I may receive commissions from purchases made through links in this article. Full Disclosure
There are many ways we can do growth work within the enneagram. These tips for enneagram growth through conflict are targeted to help you grow even in the heat of a good conflict.
What is Enneagram Growth Work?
It’s the hard but oh so good stuff that we need to do and reflect on so that we can be the best that our type can offer.
If we do not do growth work, we will stay stuck in our type and never loosen our grip on the unhealthy traits of our type.
What is Enneagram Growth Work Through Conflict?
As if growth work isn’t hard enough already, this series is digging deep and will grow us while we are in the midst of conflict.
Let’s be honest, we’re likely at our ugliest during conflict so what better time to realize where we can grow?
Who’s ready for some growth?
Note: If you are unsure about your enneagram type then check out my posts on how to find your type and/or how to confirm your enneagram type.
If you want even more info about your type in conflict check out the Harmonic Groups! Harmonic Groups explain how each type reacts to conflict.
Tips For Enneagram Growth Through Conflict
Enneagram Growth Tip For Type 1s
As a type 1, you are likely to squash down that anger but resentment is probably all too familiar to you.
Whenever you feel the resentment or irritation rising up use it as a clue to help you realize the deeper issues.
Are you really angry about something else that doesn’t actually involve this person or situation? Are you resentful because you feel like a core value of yours has been violated? Is your way of seeing yourself (or the image you want others to see) feel like it’s being threatened?
Take some time to dig deep and use resentment as a clue for deeper issues to help you grow as a 1.
Enneagram Growth Tip For Type 2s
As a type 2, you are likely to focus on what others need or need to learn but it can feel unnatural to look at what you need to learn.
Whenever you find yourself upset with someone, try searching for what you need to discover instead of what the other person needs to do.
What do you need to learn from this conflict? What is your responsibility in this situation? Even if the other person is 100% in the wrong, what is my part in this situation?
Take some time to dig deep and look at what you need to learn from the situation to help you grow as a 2.
Enneagram Growth Tip For Type 3s
As a type 3, you are likely to play chameleon and put on a good face so others don’t see how upset you actually are but it’s important to dig deep and realize your feelings.
Whenever you find yourself feeling upset with someone or over a situation, try digging deep and discover why you’re actually feeling upset.
Why is it so important to appear successful? If success was not my goal, how would I act/feel/behave differently? What would happen if I wasn’t so worried about impressing others?
Take some time to dig deep when you become upset and look at what you’re truly feeling to help you grow as a 3.
Enneagram Growth Tip For Type 4s
As a type 4, you are more likely to try to fix the momentary feelings during conflict but it’s important to really look at how your emotions play in your life.
Whenever you find yourself feeling angry (at others or yourself) or feel that envy creeping up, try digging deep and looking at how those feelings play out in your life.
Would you be just as angry if someone else had made this mistake/problem? If you are self-punishing yourself, would you think someone else should receive the same punishment if they committed the same error? Are you being any more rejected than others or do you just feel like you are?
Take some time to look at how anger & envy play in your life to help you grow as a 4.
Enneagram Growth Tip For Type 5s
As a type 5, you are more likely to detach from your emotions in conflict and wait until you can dissect them before saying anything but it’s important to speak about your feelings when you are feeling them.
Whenever you find yourself feeling angry or upset try sharing your feelings and concerns (even if they seem small).
Would this person really feel intruded upon or are they more likely to appreciate your honesty? Will things be truly better if you delay saying something or is it a coping mechanism? What happens if you do not detach emotionally but rather actually examine how you feel right now?
Take some time to try saying something when something bothers you to help you grow as a 5.
Enneagram Growth Tip For Type 6s
As a type 6, you are likely to talk through conflict without mellowing out your worry and emotions first .
Whenever you find yourself in a conflict, try taking a walk first to help calm your reactions so that you’ll be less reactive.
Why do you naturally feel the need to talk first before calming down? Can you walk and only focus on how you are feeling at the moment? What good can happen if you talk a walk/break for a few minutes before talking?
Take some time to take a walk and calm down before taking about issues to help you grow as a 6.
Enneagram Growth Tip For Type 7s
As a type 7, you tend to prefer to keep things positive. People may think you want only positive feedback because of that but you may actually find yourself more focused on the negative feedback (probably just so you can avoid or reframe the negative).
Whenever you find yourself in a conflict, try paying equal attention to positive and negative feedback.
Why do you want to dismiss the positive feedback? How come you instantly want to reframe the negative feedback? Can you just listen to the feed back without instantly putting your own spin on it?
Take some time to try paying equal attention to positive and negative feedback to help you grow as a 7.
Enneagram Growth Tip For Type 8s
As a type 8, you are likely all too familiar with your anger but it’s important to examine just why you feel angry.
Whenever you feel the anger rising up use it as a clue to help you realize the deeper issues.
Are you really angry about something else that doesn’t actually involve this person or situation? Are you angry because you want to just tackle this issue and more on? Are you angry because you feel like a core value of yours is being violated?
Take some time to dig deep and use anger as a clue for deeper issues to help you grow as an 8.
Enneagram Growth Tip For Type 9s
As a type 9, you are likely to repress any anger that you may feel but it’s important to realize that you may be angry.
Whenever you feel yourself starting to get upset start a dialogue with your anger (a written dialogue can be even better).
What does anger feel like for you? What is the purpose of your anger or the purpose of anger at all? How can acknowledging your anger allow you to be healthier long term?
Take some time to dialogue with your anger to help you grow as a 9.
Did these Tips For Enneagram Growth Through Conflict help? Don’t forget to check out the Harmonic Groups for even more Enneagram and conflict information!
