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The holidays can be some of the most wonderful times of the year…. and the most challenging. Here’s to healthier holidays by enneagram type!
All the extra activities, expectations, and people tend to make the holidays a bit trying for ALL types.
So naturally, we needed a post on how to have healthier holidays by enneagram type!
There is much much more that I could write about holidays and the enneagram but I limited things to four key points to know when in the holiday season.
- Proclivity (what this type tends to focus on)
- Stress Tip (something to preemptively do to help limit stress)
- Boundary (a boundary idea that this type should try to be mindful of/implement this season)
- Growth Tip (a good growth idea any time of year but also to help you have a more enjoyable holiday season right now).
What is the Enneagram?
The Enneagram is a personality typing system that shows us the nine ways that people in the world default to in order to live their life.
Healthier Holidays By Enneagram Type
Healthier Holidays For Enneagram 1
Type 1 Proclivity:
1s are prone to having high expectations which can often lead to post-holiday blues. If you are a 1, try to realize this reality beforehand so that the let-down isn’t as strong.
Type 1 Stress Tip: Make a to-do list when you feel overwhelmed. If you can handle it, try enlisting others to help in areas that won’t add to your stress.
Type 1 Boundary: Have a set rest time each day. Whether it’s two hours mid-day or you “clock out” at 7pm each night, having set time to just rest and relax is healthy and needed.
Type 1 Growth Tip: Remember there is more than one right way to do things (I know it might not feel like it, my fellow 1s!). It is okay if the meal wasn’t perfect, if the trash wasn’t cleaned up instantly, or if things didn’t go as you envisioned them.
Healthier Holidays For Enneagram 2
Type 2 Proclivity:
2s are prone to over focusing on the needs of others and forgetting about their own needs. If you are a 2, try to remember that your needs are important to and you can pour from an empty cup.
Type 2 Stress Tip: If it is not yours to do, let someone else take care of it. You do not need to do all the things in order to be wanted and loved; someone else can make the pie this year.
Type 2 Boundary: Say “no” to things that will have a negative impact on your most important people (including yourself) It’s easy for 2s to say yes to the “newer” people in their lives in order to be wanted and loved by more people… but it often comes at a cost to the people you hold most dear.
Type 2 Growth Tip: Ask for what you need. I know this can be difficult since you bury those needs so deeply that you aren’t even sure what you need! (Things that are making you frustrated and resentful are a good clue!) Ask your spouse to give you an hour for self-care. Ask your children to decorate the tree so you can do something else. Ask your extended family to bring side dishes.
Healthier Holidays For Enneagram 3
Type 3 Proclivity:
3s are prone to focusing on getting the job done and forgetting to see the meaning in the moment. If you are a 3, try to be present in what is happening. Let the warmth and magic of the season sink in.
Type 3 Stress Tip: Carve out time for you to do something just for you, with no audience.
Type 3 Boundary: Consider limiting your time on social media. This can help keep the need to create an admirable “image” away. Your own actual image is admirable enough, I promise.
Type 3 Growth Tip: Be present in each moment. Try not to multi-task or mentally move on to the next thing. Listen to others without trying to create a game plan.
Healthier Holidays For Enneagram 4
Type 4 Proclivity:
4s are prone to focusing on the past and believing something is missing from the present. If you are a 4 try remembering that the past is often glorified in our minds and the present will all too soon be the past so enjoy it.
Type 4 Stress Tip: Create a daily rhythm in order to get the mundane done so that you have ample time for creativity and beauty.
Type 4 Boundary: Allow yourself to feel all your feelings, but do not let them be the master. You are more than your feelings.
Type 4 Growth Tip: Make a daily gratitude list for the things that are present now. What are you grateful for in the moments or people that are currently around you?
Healthier Holidays For Enneagram 5
Type 5 Proclivity:
5s are prone to disengaging from their emotions and withdrawing. If you are a 5, don’t forget to come back to your feelings and even share them with others (not everyone, but a select few would be good).
Type 5 Stress Tip: Holidays are a draining season. Preemptively take enough time to recharge so that you have enough energy for upcoming events.
Type 5 Boundary: Before disengaging, explain to those around you; a simple, “My energy is gone and I need a recharge before I can continue this conversation.” should suffice.
Type 5 Growth Tip: Try sharing your emotions or thoughts before analyzing and perfecting them. This will allow you to be more present and connected to those around you. You don’t have to take the advice they might give, you don’t have to deeply explain why you feel the way you feel, you don’t have to let it get to a level where you feel overwhelmed… but this will do wonders for connecting to those around you.
Type 6 Proclivity:
6s are prone to worse case scenario thinking and over-preparing. If you are a 6, try to remember this is your tendency and that it’s not the only way to think about things.
Type 6 Stress Tip: List all the times when the worst did NOT happen. When the meal didn’t catch fire, when the family didn’t start WWWIII, etc. Realizing how many times the worst didn’t happen will help balance your worse case scenario thinking.
Type 6 Boundary: Limit your sources of anxiety. Turn off the news, limit social media, take a break from stressful environments. These sources of anxiety can feed your believe that you aren’t safe and that you can’t trust yourself. You can trust yourself, and hearing about everything that is happening in the world won’t really keep you safer; just more scared. – Side note, this does work for counter-phobic 6s as well. You still deal with fear and anxiety… you just rush at it instead of avoid it. Avoiding these anxiety sources is still a healthy boundary for you.
Type 6 Growth Tip: Try taking part of activities without preparing or planning it all out. Trust that it will all go okay and enjoy the moment. And because I know counter-phobic 6s don’t always feel this one… I’ll add that 6s can also work on balancing their trust (or distrust). Some 6s trust others too much (loyal to a fault) and some distrust too much (guilty till proven innocent mentality). Work on balancing that since every person is human and they do not belong on the extreme of either side of this trust spectrum.
Healthier Holidays For Enneagram 7
Type 7 Proclivity:
7s are prone to always planning the next fun thing even while they are in a current fun thing. If you are a 7, try to remember to enjoy what you are doing now, without planning the next thing at the same time.
Type 7 Stress Tip: Each morning, take the time to check in with yourself to see how you are really feeling and try not to reframe it. I promise you do not have to get stuck in these feelings; you can feel them and then move through them.
Type 7 Boundary: Limit your “Yes, let’s do it!” responses to an amount that you can actually physically do.
Type 7 Growth Tip: Ask others what THEY would like to do this season. It doesn’t have to be as exciting as you might plan, it just needs to be connecting with those you love.
Healthier Holidays For Enneagram 8
Type 8 Proclivity:
8s are prone to focusing on power dynamics and protecting the weak. If you are an 8, try to remember that if those in control aren’t as competent or fair as you, it’s usually ok (I’m talking holidays here… not abusive relationships or evil bosses). Other people can stick up for themselves and you can handle more than you think as well.
Type 8 Stress Tip: Delegate (in a nice way) all the things that need to get done. Yes, you could do it all since 8s often have that get-it-done ability, but it doesn’t need to be all on you.
Type 8 Boundary: Don’t just assume that others are out to get you, control you, make you lose. Say no to believing an attack is just around the corner and that you need to protect yourself from letting anyone see your softer side.
Type 8 Growth Tip: Try sharing your more vulnerable side. You don’t have to let others control you in order to share your softer side. By all means don’t let something harmful or abusive happen, but most people will not harm you when you show your softer side.
Healthier Holidays For Enneagram 9
Type 9 Proclivity:
9s are prone to maintaining the peace and quieting their opinions. If you are a 9 try to remember that the holidays usually mean lots of people and there is bound to be times of chaos and disagreements but this doesn’t mean that relationships will be lost because of it.
Type 9 Stress Tip: Take time each day, to do something for yourself. Go for a run, take a bath, watch a movie. This will help recalibrate your internal peace levels so that you can better handle the noise and chaos of the holidays. It will also help you discover what you truly believe or like since you can suppress them for the sake of peace.
Type 9 Boundary: Say no when you need to protect your time or family. You do no need to say yes in order for others to be happy. Having this boundary and asserting yourself will not ruin your relationships.
Type 9 Growth Tip: Share your opinions and desires with your loved ones. If you don’t want to go gift shopping, tell them. If you want to find a tree in the forest this year, tell them. They may or may not agree but the point of sharing is to allow your loved ones to love the REAL you and they can’t know the real you unless you voice your opinions and desires.
If you want more enneagram relationship info for this holiday season check out my post on what you need to know if you’re in a relationship with other enneagram types. It’s technically written for romantic relationships but the concepts still apply to all those cousins, in-laws, co-workers…