I may receive commissions from purchases made through links in this article. Full Disclosure
With nine Enneagram types, comes nine ways of getting along with people. Each type responds well to different things which is amazing… and confusing.
We all live life with the assumption that people function just like us… and unfortunately this is not true. I say unfortunate because life would be much easier if everyone functioned the same… but of course it is a good thing that we are all different because that gives so much more variety to life.
It can be confusing trying to get along with others when we aren’t speaking their language so to speak.
To help you out, I’m sharing some tips on how to get along with each type.
How to Get Along With Each Enneagram Type
How to Get Along With Enneagram Type 1’s
Type 1’s are about order, responsibilities, follow through, and details. Keeping these tips in mind can help type 1’s feel like you respect and love them.
As you can see from the image above there are some basics that you can try to remember when it comes to getting along with Enneagram type 1’s:
- Admit if you make a mistake (more importantly take action to fix the mistake or work towards not making it again).
- Be gentle when you point out a type 1’s mistakes. Of course, we shouldn’t avoid talking to a 1 when it’s needed but it’s important to remember that a 1 likely already feels the weight of their mistakes and hearing someone verbalize it can greatly increase their hyper-criticalness of themselves.
- Follow through with your commitments and finish tasks on time.
- Most 1’s will shrug off appreciation because they feel like what they did wasn’t something extraordinary (it’s like thanking someone for brushing their hair… why would you? Everyone can and should do that?!) But 1’s do want to be appreciated so don’t just ignore their actions.
- Make an effort to keep the space organized and remember details. This is specifically areas and details that are important to the 1.
How to Get Along With Enneagram Type 2’s
Type 2’s are about affection, affirmation, connection, and love. Keeping these tips in mind can help type 2’s feel like you respect and love them.
As you can see from the image above there are some basics that you can try to remember when it comes to getting along with Enneagram type 2’s:
- Don’t take advantage of them. 2’s are incredibly helpful and giving so they will often say yes… even when it’s healthier for them to say no. Don’t cause unnecessary burden on them by taking advantage of their helpfulness.
- All 2’s to verbally process… and realize that they just need to get all their thoughts out of their heads so it might take awhile and their final conclusion might not be where they started.
- Encourage them to be authentic and to honestly share what they are feeling. Sharing their needs and feelings is hard for a 2 because they believe that it’s not ok for them to have needs. Let them know that it’s ok for them to truly be themselves and have needs with you.
- Demonstratively show your affection and give them words of affirmation. 2’s want to know that they are appreciated for all that they do and give.
- Realize that 2’s may become oddly angry or have strong emotional responses if their needs (unspoken needs or spoken needs) are not met. This is like their tipping point. They put up with not having their needs met for so long that it all just comes crashing down. Realize the anger is a warning sign that your 2 needs to be loved and be taken care of.
- Be careful when giving honest feedback. A type 2 can take it personally when giving honest feedback. Even if you are simply sharing something you are personally doing… they can take it to mean that they aren’t as good because they aren’t making the same changes.
How to Get Along With Enneagram Type 3’s
Type 3’s are about efficiency, optimism, recognition, and success. Keeping these tips in mind can help type 3’s feel like you respect and love them.
As you can see from the image above there are some basics that you can try to remember when it comes to getting along with Enneagram type 3’s:
- Give words of affirmation often. 3’s want to feel valued and admired so words of affirmation are a great way of giving that to them
- Let them know you love them for who they are and not what they do. 3’s put on masks so that they will be liked or approved of by those around them. They fear that if they removed the mask then they wouldn’t be valued or admired. Let them know that you love them and value them no matter what.
- Limit negative talk. 3’s prefer to stay positive and optimistic.
- Do not interrupt a 3 when they are working. They are goal crushers and they will not be pleased if something gets in their way of finishing a task.
- Give accurate instructions ahead of time. A 3 will likely love to do things for you (or accomplish things at work) but they want to know how so don’t give vague instructions.
How to Get Along With Enneagram Type 4’s
Type 4’s are about authenticity, emotions, creativity, and sensitivity. Keeping these tips in mind can help type 4’s feel like you respect and love them.
As you can see from the image above there are some basics that you can try to remember when it comes to getting along with Enneagram type 4’s:
- Don’t tell a 4 that they are being too sensitive or overreacting. This triggers their core wound that they believe; being too much.
- A 4’s longing for what they do not have is not something for you to fix.
- Be authentic with 4’s. Being authentic and real is their core desire and naturally that means they want others to be that way with them.
- Let them know that their feelings of not being enough are valid (they can feel that way) but the facts say otherwise.
- Be a solid ground when they are dealing with moodiness or big emotions. Allow them to feel all their feelings but be a firm foundation they can hold onto to keep from falling too far in.
- Give them clear expectations and creative freedom to do their work. 4’s what to know what you expect of them but they also want to do things based on their own creativity or emotions.
How to Get Along With Enneagram Type 5’s
Type 5’s are about competency, knowledge, logic, and alone time. Keeping these tips in mind can help type 5’s feel like you respect and love them.
As you can see from the image above there are some basics that you can try to remember when it comes to getting along with Enneagram type 5’s:
- Be clear and direct with a type 5. Don’t beat around the bush or be vague in your conversation.
- Type 5’s have very limited energy reserves and because of this they will need more time to recharge than other types. Be understanding of this need.
- Give them a heads up with needing to work out an issue. Hard talks and emotional conversations are particularly not what a 5 wants to have sprung on them.
- If you do bring up an issue that you have with a 5, tread carefully as they fear being incompetent.
- 5’s don’t talk just for the fun of it. They speak when they have something important to say so when they do talk make sure to listen.
- Do not push a 5 to socialize. They do not respond well to being pushed and as previously mentioned their energy reserves are not the same as other types so pushing them to socialize may push them past those energy levels.
How to Get Along With Enneagram Type 6’s
Type 6’s are about loyalty, reassurance, honesty, and trust. Keeping these tips in mind can help type 6’s feel like you respect and love them.
As you can see from the image above there are some basics that you can try to remember when it comes to getting along with Enneagram type 6’s:
- Give them lots of reassurance about your commitment to them (verbal and through actions)
- Listen the them when they are running worst-case scenarios and then help them to see the best possible outcome (but at the same time, don’t just shut down their worse-case fears. You want to let them know you understand their fears or worries but also show them that there can be good possible outcomes.)
- Try to be honest, loyal, and not too needy. This will help reassure them of your commitment and give them what they give you as being honest, loyal, and dependable are all core desires of a 6.
- Give examples of when trusting in themselves actually went well. This is helpful when they go to worst-case scenarios because you can give them logical concrete proof that the worse didn’t happen before. Give examples of when the worst did not happen.
- Encourage 6’s to act when they are overthinking. This of course, does not mean that you should push them to the brink of breaking but 6’s can get trapped in their overthinking and so that they don’t act until it’s too late or never act at all.
- Answer their questions honestly and thoughtfully.
How to Get Along With Enneagram Type 7’s
Type 7’s are about flexibility, positivity, adventure, and excitement. Keeping these tips in mind can help type 7’s feel like you respect and love them
As you can see from the image above there are some basics that you can try to remember when it comes to getting along with Enneagram type 7’s:
- Listen to their stories. Stories are often how they share their feelings as it’s a step removed from their actual feelings and thus less painful.
- Be gentle and brief with criticism. 7’s prefer to stay up-beat and avoid negatives.
- Typically a 7 will listen to you share your emotions but they generally do not want to dig deep and help you process the emotions (particularly the hard or negative emotions). They are more likely to do this with close friends and family but on the whole they don’t like dealing with negative topics.
- Give or allow them to have spontaneity and flexibility.
- Socializing is very important to 7’s but so is alone time. Allow both to happen for your 7.
- Encourage them to experience and allow a full range of emotions. Don’t push them to do so but remind them that you will not abandon them when they do and that they can depend on you to help take care of them.
How to Get Along With Enneagram Type 8’s
Type 8’s are about intensity, courage, directness, and assertiveness. Keeping these tips in mind can help type 8’s feel like you respect and love them.
As you can see from the image above there are some basics that you can try to remember when it comes to getting along with Enneagram type 8’s:
- Acknowledge them but don’t flatter them. 8’s can feel like flattery is just manipulation.
- If 8’s are silent then they probably are not upset with you. They will let you know if they are upset with you so don’t misread their silence.
- 8’s may mistake tenderness for manipulation. This doesn’t mean you can’t be tender with them but realize that it will take a while for your tenderness to earn enough credit to get it out of the manipulation assumption.
- Encourage them to exercise. Exercising allows them to use up some of their excess energy.
- Be secure and strong in what you think and believe. 8’s love and respect intensity. This of course does not mean that you should stand strong when you realize you are wrong but it is important to stand firm in your beliefs; 8’s respect a good debate.
- If you want 8’s to be vulnerable, you’ll need to be okay with their intense emotions. Being vulnerable is one of 8’s core fears so they will need to feel extremely comfortable with you before they allow that to happen.
How to Get Along With Enneagram Type 9’s
Type 9’s are about peace, attachment, open-mindedness, and collaboration. Keeping these tips in mind can help type 9’s feel like you respect and love them.
As you can see from the image above there are some basics that you can try to remember when it comes to getting along with Enneagram type 9’s:
- Encourage 9’s to name their own desires and wishes. Their wounding message that they believe is that it’s not ok to assert themselves (for fear of causing conflict or loss of connection). Reassure them that you will love them no matter what and even more when they do voice what’s important to them.
- Try to focus on what they do and opposed to what they forget to do.
- 9’s need alone time and independence. This will give the 9 the freedom to develop and realize their own desires and wants as well as time to recharge.
- Do not interrupt them when they are talking. They may meander but they will get to the point. Interrupting just affirms their belief that they shouldn’t assert themselves or that they do not matter.
- Give clear and direct instructions on what is expected of them. (like many of the types, they like to know what you want them to do.) Clear and direct instructions can also help them realized the priority of a task (usually all tasks are given equal priority and so a 9 can become distracted easily, jumping to whatever task is right in front of them)
- You can redirect a distracted 9 by asking them questions.I also recommend learning about the core motivations of the types you are interacting with as that will give you insight into what they value, what they fear, and what wounding message they believe. It can also be helpful to learn about their Harmonic Group as that will explain a bit on how they handle conflict which can often be where different types will clash.