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Find out how the enneagram and love languages go together and help bring better understanding and love to the relationships around you!
The enneagram is a wonderful way of understanding yourself and others better. The Love Languages have been helping people better love one another for years. So naturally, seeing how they are intertwined was something I and so many of you were interested in.
What is the Enneagram?
The Enneagram is a personality typing system that shows us the nine ways that people in the world default to in order to live their life. It is not based on traits but rather core motivation.
This motivation is the driving force behind why we do what we do.
What are the Love Languages?
The love languages written are most commonly known from the book The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman are five different ways that people feel love and show love.
The 5 Love Languages
- Acts of Service
- Words of Affirmation
- Physical Touch
- Quality Time
That said, Truity recently conducted their own survey and decided they are actually 7 love styles. Personally, I feel like the two new love languages are actually just subdivisions of the original five, but that’s my take on it.
In any case, when I opened my survey for the enneagram and love languages it was focused on just the 5 love languages.
Receiving Love vs Giving Love
Many surveys simply ask people what their love language is. However, we often give love in a different language than we receive love. Thus my study asked people how they preferred to receive love and how they tend to show love.
Words of Disclosure
As with all enneagram based polls (or personality type polls for that matter), these results are of course subject to being inaccurate simply due to the fact that many people are actually mistyped or have not dug deep enough to really figure out what they prefer. I do believe these results still provide useful information but that does not mean they are perfect.
Also it is important to remember that these are statistics. They show a range. If your top love language is not the top love language for your enneagram type, that is fine. It just means your combo is less common; not that the poll is wrong.
Interesting to note: Overall most people seem to show love through acts of service and receive love through quality time. It is also interesting that receiving love via gifts was very low for all types.
The Enneagram and Love Languages
Type 1 Love Languages
Type 2 Love Languages
Type 3 Love Languages
<4h>Type 4 Love Languages
Type 5 Love Languages
Type 6 Love Languages
Type 7 Love Languages
Type 8 Love Languages
Type 9 Love Languages
Tips on How to Show Love Through the 5 Love Languages
Below are some ideas on how to show love through the 5 love languages. Remember that these are just a starting place and the love will be better receive if you filter them through their enneagram type (aka cleaning the house only works if you clean it the way your type 1 likes, taking a 5 to a three day concert will not be a gift, etc.
Weekly time together, talk a long walk, uninterrupted time (aka no phones), intellectual conversations where you actually listen and value what the other says, take a class or volunteer together, play a board game.
Acts of Service
(A key part of Acts of Service is that they shouldn’t need to ask for it.) Take some tasks off their to-do list. Make dinner, clean the house, do a task that I need to do but just have never gotten around to it, give them a break for some me-time.
Words of Affirmation
Compliment me on something unique that I bring to the table (positive enneagram traits are a great place to start), thank me for my insight, a hand written note/card instead of one with just the commercial greeting, tell me how good I look.
Randomly reach for and hold my hand, Snuggle on the couch, hug me when I’m stressed or just randomly hug me, rub my feet, back massage, any touch that would communicate love.
(Best when random and not just on special occasions) Gifts that I want, a gift with a special meaning, something yummy, tickets to a concert, financial support when needed, a heartfelt note, flowers, a morning coffee, or a gift certificate.
For more tips on how to get love others better?
Check out my post on how to get along with each enneagram type or my post What you need to know if you are in a relationship with other enneagram types.