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Parenting is tough but the enneagram and parenting together can help you understand yourself better so that you can parent better!
I don’t think anyone out there will tell you that parenting is easy. It’s not. Parenting tries you, tests you, and grows you in ways you never thought possible.
It’s honestly one of the best ways to grow as a person in my opinion because it WILL make you grow (whether you like it or not).
Between your personality and your child’s personality, there’s a lot of potential for clashing and trouble areas.
And of course, if you have multiple children like I do (I have 5!), it means there’s even more potential because each child is so very unique.
Thankfully, the enneagram is a wonderful tool to help you understand yourself better so that you can parent better.
What Enneagram Type Am I?
Not sure what type you are yet? That’s ok! I recommend heading over to my post on how to find your enneagram type and starting there.
What Enneagram Type Is My Child?
I’ll say this right now… this post is not going to help you find your child’s enneagram type. I’m right there with you. I want to know the enneagram type of all my kids too.
However as an enneagram coach, I’m also aware of how incredibly easy it is to mistype kids (I’m guilty of it with one of my kids already). It can also be detrimental to tell your child their type as it may mislead them and we don’t want that! So save the typing of kids till they are older and instead focus on one area where you can succeed… yourself!
I’m going to be covering A LOT of material in this enneagram parenting post so be prepared!
We’ll be covering:
- Parenting strengths based on your enneagram type
- Parenting style based on your enneagram type
- Projections that may accidentally get passed on to your kids (these are based on your own wounding message)
- Stress triggers based on your enneagram type
- Parenting growth work based on your enneagram type.
The Enneagram And Parenting
Parenting With the Enneagram For Type 1s
Type 1 Parenting Strengths
Some of the ways you bring good as a type 1 parent is with your consistency, honesty, integrity, responsibility, structure, self-discipline, and your ethical beliefs.
Type 1 Parenting Style
Type 1 parents typically have high expectations, keep to schedules, and are rather black and white thinkers. Following rules is important to them and they don’t want things to go wrong.
Type 1 Potential Projection
This is your own person wounding message that you’ve grown up believing so you are all too aware of how much it hurts… but since it’s been so ingrained into you, it’s very easy to project it onto your kids. It’s something to be mindful about. Type 1’s potential projection is “It’s not okay to make mistakes.”
Stress Triggers for Type 1s
These would trigger any type 1 but type 1 parents are likely to have even more difficulty with these as kids can increase their instances. Stress triggers for type 1s include: feeling like you have to do it all, disobedience, noticing too many problems, criticism of you or your family, others letting you down, messes, and dishonesty.
Type 1 Parenting Growth Work
It should be noted that this is not to say you should stop your type 1 traits altogether… just lighten the potentially negative traits a bit. As a type 1 parent you’ll want to work on becoming less rigid, learn how to process and express your anger properly, realize there may be more than one right way, allow yourself to have fun, lighten up on yourself (you are not a “bad” parent), and accept imperfections.
Parenting With the Enneagram For Type 2s
Type 2 Parenting Strengths
Some of the ways you bring good as a type 2 parent is with your ability to give, your empathy, a sense of belonging, your helpfulness, the safety you bring, your hospitality, and your support.
Type 2 Parenting Style
Type 2 parents typically place value on caring and sharing, they make sure to provide lots of love and help, and they are very encouraging parents.
Type 2 Potential Projection
This is your own person wounding message that you’ve grown up believing so you are all too aware of how much it hurts… but since it’s been so ingrained into you, it’s very easy to project it onto your kids. It’s something to be mindful about. Type 2’s potential projection is “It’s not okay to have your own needs.”
Stress Triggers for Type 2s
These would trigger any type 2 but type 2 parents are likely to have even more difficulty with these as kids can increase their instances. Stress triggers for type 2s include: overextending yourself, having your shortcomings pointed out, when your kids don’t want your help, feeling unappreciated, worrying your kids won’t like you if you discipline them, and feeling ignored.
Type 2 Parenting Growth Work
It should be noted that this is not to say you should stop your type 2 traits altogether… just lighten the potentially negative traits a bit. As a type 2 parent you’ll want to work on knowing when to support but not rescue your kids, practice waiting for your child to ask for help, try to tell your family what you need and feel, finding your own interests to help you detach from your kids, remembering that your kids not needing your help doesn’t mean that they do not love you.
Parenting With the Enneagram For Type 3s
Type 3 Parenting Strengths
Some of the ways you bring good as a type 3 parent is with your self-confidence, your energetic nature, your efficiency, organization, your goal orientation, being productive, and motivated.
Type 3 Parenting Style
Type 3 parents typically have high expectations, like to use star charts, focus on finding and using effective methods, and are organized.
Type 3 Potential Projection
This is your own person wounding message that you’ve grown up believing so you are all too aware of how much it hurts… but since it’s been so ingrained into you, it’s very easy to project it onto your kids. It’s something to be mindful about. Type 3’s potential projection is “It’s not ok to have your own feelings or identity” which is over translated as “It’s not okay to fail.”
Stress Triggers for Type 3s
These would trigger any type 3 but type 3 parents are likely to have even more difficulty with these as kids can increase their instances. Stress triggers for type 3s include: having failures in parenting pointed out, others telling you to slow down, your kids not taking your advice, when your kids don’t put in the effort that you think they should, and not being acknowledged.
Type 3 Parenting Growth Work
It should be noted that this is not to say you should stop your type 3 traits altogether… just lighten the potentially negative traits a bit. As a type 3 parent you’ll want to work on respecting your child’s qualities that aren’t the same as yours, focusing on your child when they need you (no multitasking), accepting setbacks for their teaching potential, learning how to slow down, listening without trying to solve or fix things, and focusing on being in the present.
Parenting With the Enneagram For Type 4s
Type 4 Parenting Strengths
Some of the ways you bring good as a type 4 parent is with your creativity, expressiveness, authenticity, intuitiveness, your support, your introspective mentality, and your ability to sympathize.
Type 4 Parenting Style
Type 4 parents typically have “all the feelings”, love lots of nature exploration, painting, instruments, and dance. Basically lots of creativity and self-expression.
Type 4 Potential Projection
This is your own person wounding message that you’ve grown up believing so you are all too aware of how much it hurts… but since it’s been so ingrained into you, it’s very easy to project it onto your kids. It’s something to be mindful about. Type 4’s potential projection is “It’s not okay to conform to others.” as a result of 4’s valuing being authentic and true to themselves.
Stress Triggers for Type 4s
These would trigger any type 4 but type 4 parents are likely to have even more difficulty with these as kids can increase their instances. Stress triggers for type 4s include: being rejected, feeling you must be missing something in your parenting, being forced to be like everyone else, not being valued or affirmed, misunderstandings, and inauthenticity.
Type 4 Parenting Growth Work
It should be noted that this is not to say you should stop your type 4 traits altogether… just lighten the potentially negative traits a bit. As a type 4 parent you’ll want to work on creating and using structure to balance your life, practicing gratitude, balancing your feelings with facts, not putting off mundane tasks, focusing more on your strengths and less on what might be missing, learning to set boundaries.
Parenting With the Enneagram For Type 5s
Type 5 Parenting Strengths
Some of the ways you bring good as a type 5 parent is with your wisdom, systematic mentality, objectivity, analytical nature, big-picture thinking, restraint, and independence.
Type 5 Parenting Style
Type 5 parents typically place value on having intellectual discussions, lots of learning (hello library trips and documentaries), they will love showing and explaining to their kids their interests, and odds are they will toss around the phrase “well actually…” often.
Type 5 Potential Projection
This is your own person wounding message that you’ve grown up believing so you are all too aware of how much it hurts… but since it’s been so ingrained into you, it’s very easy to project it onto your kids. It’s something to be mindful about. Type 5’s potential projection is “It’s not okay to express strong emotions.” Another potential projection is “It’s not ok to not be knowledgable/capable.”
Stress Triggers for Type 5s
These would trigger any type 5 but type 5 parents are likely to have even more difficulty with these as kids can increase their instances. Stress triggers for type 5s include: too much noise, not being able to control a situation, emotionally charged conversations, too much socializing, not getting enough recharge time, having your ideas and knowledge challenged.
Type 5 Parenting Growth Work
It should be noted that this is not to say you should stop your type 5 traits altogether… just lighten the potentially negative traits a bit. As a type 5 parent you’ll want to work being mindful of your energy management (save enough energy for your family), practice listening without needing to know all the facts, grow your social skills, doing more instead of over-thinking things, being more open to emotions (yours and your children’s).
Parenting With the Enneagram For Type 6s
Type 6 Parenting Strengths
Some of the ways you bring good as a type 6 parent is with your trustworthiness, your protection, loyalty, skeptical nature (in the healthy sense), your sense of responsibility and being so responsible, ability to be prepared, and how honorable you are.
Type 6 Parenting Style
Type 6 parents typically have a mama/papa bear mentality (they can be helicopter parents but they will stand up for their kids too), they pack more than others “just in case”, likely to have first aid kids.
6’s have two ways they can deal with their fear (phobic and counter-phobic) so some 6 parents will lean more toward the cautious side while others might lean more toward the “this is scary so let’s conquer it” side.
Type 6 Potential Projection
This is your own person wounding message that you’ve grown up believing so you are all too aware of how much it hurts… but since it’s been so ingrained into you, it’s very easy to project it onto your kids. It’s something to be mindful about. Type 6’s potential projection is “It’s not okay to trust yourself.”
Stress Triggers for Type 6s
These would trigger any type 6 but type 6 parents are likely to have even more difficulty with these as kids can increase their instances. Stress triggers for type 6s include: sudden change of plans, new and unknown situations, having to make important decisions (especially without counsel), thinking your kids aren’t respecting you, other people questioning your parenting style, your kids being bullied, and being too busy.
Type 6 Parenting Growth Work
It should be noted that this is not to say you should stop your type 6 traits altogether… just lighten the potentially negative traits a bit. As a type 6 parent you’ll want to work on trying to loosen up and having more fun, learning to trust your kids, remembering you are an authority to your kids (you can stand firm when they challenge you), balancing your fears with reality, finding ways to manage your anxiety levels, trusting your own decisions.
Parenting With the Enneagram For Type 7s
Type 7 Parenting Strengths
Some of the ways you bring good as a type 7 parent is with your optimistic outlook, your confidence, enthusiasm, positive thinking, your spontaneous nature, your productiveness, and how open minded you are.
Type 7 Parenting Style
Type 7 parents typically love going on adventures (hello hiking, camping, exploring), trying new foods and experiences (no mundane meals even at home), and they tend to always look on the bright side.
Type 7 Potential Projection
This is your own person wounding message that you’ve grown up believing so you are all too aware of how much it hurts… but since it’s been so ingrained into you, it’s very easy to project it onto your kids. It’s something to be mindful about. Type 7’s potential projection is “It’s not okay to dwell on negatives.” Another potential projection is “It’s not ok to depend on anyone for anything.”
Stress Triggers for Type 7s
These would trigger any type 7 but type 7 parents are likely to have even more difficulty with these as kids can increase their instances. Stress triggers for type 7s include: feeling like others are having more adventures than you are, having to stick to mundane routines, not getting out of the house often enough, your kids being negative or sad, not being taken seriously, and wasted opportunities.
Type 7 Parenting Growth Work
It should be noted that this is not to say you should stop your type 7 traits altogether… just lighten the potentially negative traits a bit. As a type 7 parent you’ll want to work on getting your family’s opinions on social engagements/activities, remembering new experiences are exciting for you but could be terrifying to your child, being more open to painful feelings (yours and your children’s), becoming a self-disciplined authority figure for your kids, and noticing when you are reframing.
Parenting With the Enneagram For Type 8s
Type 8 Parenting Strengths
Some of the ways you bring good as a type 8 parent is with your supportiveness, your protection, your authoritative nature, your courage, your passion, your self-confidence, and your leadership.
Type 8 Parenting Style
Type 8 parents typically are major mama/papa bears (they will protect their own!), can be a bit “my way or the highway”, might value having their kids take self-defense classes so that their kids won’t be vulnerable.
Type 8 Potential Projection
This is your own person wounding message that you’ve grown up believing so you are all too aware of how much it hurts… but since it’s been so ingrained into you, it’s very easy to project it onto your kids. It’s something to be mindful about. Type 8’s potential projection is “It’s not okay to be vulnerable.”
Stress Triggers for Type 8s
These would trigger any type 8 but type 8 parents are likely to have even more difficulty with these as kids can increase their instances. Stress triggers for type 8s include: unintentionally wounding your kids, when your kids ignore your guidelines, having to contain your passion and energy, when others try to control you, pushing you past your limits, having to be vulnerable, and when your children lie.
Type 8 Parenting Growth Work
It should be noted that this is not to say you should stop your type 8 traits altogether… just lighten the potentially negative traits a bit. As a type 8 parent you’ll want to work on trying to let your kids make suggestions and decisions, pausing and examining the root of your anger, listening without trying to win the argument, showing vulnerability, interacting with your kids in ways that they need (your snowplow method which can be helpful might not work with more reserved kids).
Parenting With the Enneagram For Type 9s
Type 9 Parenting Strengths
Some of the ways you bring good as a type 9 parent is with your unconditional love, your accepting and easy going nature, your supportiveness, how you are a good listener, fair, and diplomatic.
Type 9 Parenting Style
Type 9 parents typically are the “nice parent”, they are mediators , they’ll say things along the lines of “sharing is caring”.
Type 9 Potential Projection
This is your own person wounding message that you’ve grown up believing so you are all too aware of how much it hurts… but since it’s been so ingrained into you, it’s very easy to project it onto your kids. It’s something to be mindful about. Type 9’s potential projection is “It’s not okay to assert yourself.”
Stress Triggers for Type 9s
These would trigger any type 9 but type 9 parents are likely to have even more difficulty with these as kids can increase their instances. Stress triggers for type 9s include: when there’s conflict and fighting within the home, feeling pressure to make a decision, not knowing what you really want, saying yes when you wanted to say no, not feeling listened to or noticed, kids taking advantage of you, and falling behind on tasks.
Type 9 Parenting Growth Work
It should be noted that this is not to say you should stop your type 9 traits altogether… just lighten the potentially negative traits a bit. As a type 9 parent you’ll want to work on giving yourself permission to say no when you mean no, learning how to resolve conflict instead of avoiding it, noticing when you are zoning out, setting boundaries to avoid merging with your kids’ lives, prioritizing instead of procrastinating.
Other great posts to check out to help you understand your type more:
Enneagram Core Motivations
Enneagram Centers of Intelligence
Helpful Enneagram Parenting Books
Knowing Me, Knowing Them: Understanding Your Parenting Personality by Discovering the Enneagram
Knowing Your Parenting Personality
