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Do you want help being a better parent? The enneagram can help! Here are parenting tips for Enneagram 1 parents!
If you are a parent, it will come as no surprise to you to hear that parenting is tough. When you are a parent, you look for any information that can help you out.
The enneagram is one such information source that can be a great benefit to you as a parent!
The enneagram can help you understand yourself better so that you can be a better parent.
Do You Know Your Enneagram Type?
I don’t mean that you took a fun test one day and it gave you a number. Tests as fun as they can be, are not very accurate (enneagram tests are only up to 70% accurate).
You can take a test to help you whittle your options down but then I recommend taking your top 3-5 scores and digging into the core motivations to confirm your type.
You can also check out my post on how to find your type for more info.
Once you know your enneagram type, then we can start learning how the enneagram can help you parent your children better.
Do I Need To Know My Child’s Enneagram Type?
No! You do not need to know your child’s type. In fact, I’d almost say you shouldn’t.
While kids do have their enneagram type set from a very young age (by age 3) it does not mean that you can accurate guess they type.
In fact, you can’t accurately guess ANYBODY’s type! This is because a person’s enneagram type is not determined by their actions but rather their core motivation and you can’t see core motivation.
So save the typing of your kids until they are old enough to discover their own type. Instead, let’s just focus on the one area where you can succeed… yourself!
Tips for Enneagram 1 Parents
If you are a type 1 parent, you are probably concerned with consistency, honesty, integrity, responsibility, structure, self-discipline, and ethics.
These are important traits to you and you are probably trying to instill them in your children. – All good things!
Your Parenting Style as a Type 1
Each enneagram type has their own parenting style which is built around their enneagram type and core motivation.
As a type 1 parent, your parenting style likely includes having high expectations for you, your family, and your kids. You probably like to keep to schedules. You also probably tend to be a rather black and white thinking meaning that your kids probably know that you have a right and wrong list somewhere in your head.
What You Might Project on Your Kids as a Type 1
Each enneagram type, comes with a wounding message. The wounding message is something we actually heard or simply perceived when we were young and we’ve never been able to escape it.
For a type 1 parent, your wounding message is “It’s not okay to make mistakes”. You’ve had this (or a form of this) rattling around in your head since childhood and it’s now a driving force for all your actions.
Because of this, it’s all too easy for your wounding message to become projected on to your kids. As you are so caught up with not making mistakes, it overflows to your children as you may feel like if they make a mistake, you make a mistake.
This is an area you will want to be extra mindful of when raising your children. Be aware of when your wounding message is taking over and try arguing back with it; reminding yourself that it IS okay if you make mistakes and if your CHILDREN make mistakes. Mistakes do not make you bad or wrong.
Stress Triggers to Be Aware of as a Type 1
Parenting is stressful for any type but each type have particular things that are more likely to be stress triggers.
Being aware of these stress triggers allows you to either preemptively avoid them or to give yourself (and your children) grace when they do occur knowing that you might need a little extra self care.
Stress triggers for a type 1 include: feeling like you have to do it all, disobedience, noticing too many problems and mistakes, criticism from others about you or your family, others letting you down, messes, and dishonesty.
Parenting Growth Work for a Type 1
As a type 1 parent, you’ll want to work on becoming less rigid and allowing more spontaneity and fun (learn to harness your line to type 7).
You will also want to work on processing and expressing your anger properly. Type 1s tend to suppress their anger which tends to lead to it sneaking out in the form of resentment.
Recognize that there is more than one right way. This is a hard one for 1s to learn but needed.
Your child might not think your way is the right way for them… your SPOUSE might not think your idea is the right way for your family….
I’m not saying to never fight for what you think is right but I am saying be open to there being more than one right way; it’s not as black and white as you think it is.
Ditch the inner critic. Type 1s live with an inner critic and it is constantly telling them what they should have done or can’t do. Tell your inner critic to back off and remember you are not a “bad” parent.
Other great posts to check out to help you understand your type more:
Enneagram Core Motivations
Enneagram Centers of Intelligence
The 27 Subtypes (learn how your subtype changes the hue of your type)
The Enneagram and Parenting (for all nine types!)
Helpful Enneagram Parenting Books
Knowing Me, Knowing Them: Understanding Your Parenting Personality by Discovering the Enneagram
Knowing Your Parenting Personality
