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Do you want help being a better parent? The enneagram can help! Here are parenting tips for Enneagram 2 parents!
If you are a parent, it will come as no surprise to you to hear that parenting is tough. When you are a parent, you look for any information that can help you out.
The enneagram is one such information source that can be a great benefit to you as a parent!
The enneagram can help you understand yourself better so that you can be a better parent.
Do You Know Your Enneagram Type?
I don’t mean that you took a fun test one day and it gave you a number. Tests as fun as they can be, are not very accurate (enneagram tests are only up to 70% accurate).
You can take a test to help you whittle your options down but then I recommend taking your top 3-5 scores and digging into the core motivations to confirm your type.
You can also check out my post on how to find your type for more info.
Once you know your enneagram type, then we can start learning how the enneagram can help you parent your children better.
Do I Need To Know My Child’s Enneagram Type?
No! You do not need to know your child’s type. In fact, I’d almost say you shouldn’t.
While kids do have their enneagram type set from a very young age (by age 3) it does not mean that you can accurate guess they type.
In fact, you can’t accurately guess ANYBODY’s type! This is because a person’s enneagram type is not determined by their actions but rather their core motivation and you can’t see core motivation.
So save the typing of your kids until they are old enough to discover their own type. Instead, let’s just focus on the one area where you can succeed… yourself!
Tips for Enneagram 2 Parents
If you are a type 2 parent, you are probably concerned being generous, empathy, creating a sense of belonging, helping others (note that doesn’t have to mean physically helping), hospitality, and supporting others.
These are important traits to you and you are probably trying to instill them in your children. – All good things!
Your Parenting Style as a Type 2
Each enneagram type has their own parenting style which is built around their enneagram type and core motivation.
As a type 2 parent, your parenting style likely includes placing value on caring for others and having your children learn to share with others. You probably make sure to provide lots of love and you are always ready and willing to help your children. You also tend to be very encouraging with your children.
What You Might Project on Your Kids as a Type 2
Each enneagram type, comes with a wounding message. The wounding message is something we actually heard or simply perceived when we were young and we’ve never been able to escape it.
For a type 2 parent, your wounding message is “It’s not okay to have your own needs”. You’ve had this (or a form of this) rattling around in your head since childhood and it’s now a driving force for all your actions.
Because of this, it’s all too easy for your wounding message to become projected on to your kids. As you are so caught up with not having your own needs, it overflows to your children as you may feel like if they seem needy, you are needy.
This is an area you will want to be extra mindful of when raising your children. Be aware of when your wounding message is taking over and try arguing back with it; reminding yourself that it IS okay if you have needs and if your CHILDREN have needs of their own. Needs do not make you unlovable or not wanted.
Stress Triggers to Be Aware of as a Type 2
Parenting is stressful for any type but each type have particular things that are more likely to be stress triggers.
Being aware of these stress triggers allows you to either preemptively avoid them or to give yourself (and your children) grace when they do occur knowing that you might need a little extra self care.
Stress triggers for a type 2 include: overextending yourself to the point of burning out, having your shortcomings pointed out, when your children do not want your help (which makes you feel unneeded), feeling unappreciated, worrying that your kids won’t like you if you discipline them, and feeling ignored.
Parenting Growth Work for a Type 2
As a type 2 parent, you’ll want to work on becoming less others focused and allowing yourself and your kids to have needs (learn to harness your line to type 4).
You will want to work on knowing when to support your child but not rescue them. This might mean waiting for your child to ask for your help instead of instantly offering it or even taking over a project for your child.
Recognize that your needs are not something that would make you unlovable and practice telling your family what you need and feel. This will help you avoid burnout.
Try finding your own interests in order to help you detach from your kids. Not that we don’t want you attached to your children…but we don’t want to be so immersed in your children that you find yourself with no purpose when they leave the nest!
Also, remember that when your kids do not need your help it doesn’t mean that they do not love you. It means you are raising kids who will go on to be independent adults.
Other great posts to check out to help you understand your type more:
Enneagram Core Motivations
Enneagram Centers of Intelligence
The 27 Subtypes (learn how your subtype changes the hue of your type)
The Enneagram and Parenting (for all nine types!)
Helpful Enneagram Parenting Books
Knowing Me, Knowing Them: Understanding Your Parenting Personality by Discovering the Enneagram
Knowing Your Parenting Personality