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Do you want help being a better parent? The enneagram can help! Here are parenting tips for Enneagram 3 parents!
If you are a parent, it will come as no surprise to you to hear that parenting is tough. When you are a parent, you look for any information that can help you out.
The enneagram is one such information source that can be a great benefit to you as a parent!
The enneagram can help you understand yourself better so that you can be a better parent.
Do You Know Your Enneagram Type?
I don’t mean that you took a fun test one day and it gave you a number. Tests as fun as they can be, are not very accurate (enneagram tests are only up to 70% accurate).
You can take a test to help you whittle your options down but then I recommend taking your top 3-5 scores and digging into the core motivations to confirm your type.
You can also check out my post on how to find your type for more info.
Once you know your enneagram type, then we can start learning how the enneagram can help you parent your children better.
Do I Need To Know My Child’s Enneagram Type?
No! You do not need to know your child’s type. In fact, I’d almost say you shouldn’t.
While kids do have their enneagram type set from a very young age (by age 3) it does not mean that you can accurate guess they type.
In fact, you can’t accurately guess ANYBODY’s type! This is because a person’s enneagram type is not determined by their actions but rather their core motivation and you can’t see core motivation.
So save the typing of your kids until they are old enough to discover their own type. Instead, let’s just focus on the one area where you can succeed… yourself!
Tips for Enneagram 3 Parents
If you are a type 3 parent, you are probably concerned with self-confidence (yours and your child’s), high energy, efficiency, organization, goals and goal orientation, being productive, as well as motivation.
These are important traits to you and you are probably trying to instill them in your children. – All good things!
Your Parenting Style as a Type 3
Each enneagram type has their own parenting style which is built around their enneagram type and core motivation.
As a type 3 parent, your parenting style likely includes having high expectations for you, your family, and your kids. You might be a big fan of things like star charts to keep your kids motivated and on track. You probably focus on finding and using effective methods for everything you do and you are likely to be an organized person in order to help you crush your goals.
What You Might Project on Your Kids as a Type 3
Each enneagram type, comes with a wounding message. The wounding message is something we actually heard or simply perceived when we were young and we’ve never been able to escape it.
For a type 3 parent, your wounding message is “It’s not okay to have your own feelings or identity” which can get translated into “It’s not ok to fail”. You’ve had this (or a form of this) rattling around in your head since childhood and it’s now a driving force for all your actions.
Because of this, it’s all too easy for your wounding message to become projected on to your kids. As you are so caught up with not failing, it overflows to your children as you may feel like if they fail in something, you fail and thus aren’t valuable or admirable.
This is an area you will want to be extra mindful of when raising your children. Be aware of when your wounding message is taking over and try arguing back with it; reminding yourself that it IS okay if you fail and if your CHILDREN fail. Failures do not make you not valuable or not admirable as a person.
Stress Triggers to Be Aware of as a Type 3
Parenting is stressful for any type but each type have particular things that are more likely to be stress triggers.
Being aware of these stress triggers allows you to either preemptively avoid them or to give yourself (and your children) grace when they do occur knowing that you might need a little extra self care.
Stress triggers for a type 3 include: having failures in parenting pointed out, others telling you to slow down (including your own kids), when your children do not take your advice. When your kids do not put in the effort that you think they should, and not being acknowledged.
Parenting Growth Work for a Type 3
As a type 3 parent, you’ll want to work on becoming less focused on success and more committed to the overall wellbeing of your kids which may mean supporting them in ways that don’t equal achieving (learn to harness your line to type 6).
You will also want to work on respecting your child’s qualities that aren’t the same as yours.
Learn how to focus on your child when they need you… without multitasking.
Practice accepting that setbacks are teaching potential not failures or signs of your value.
It’s a tough one but also try slowing down, your children might not be able to keep up with your pace. Plus your go-go-go pace tends to lead towards you always focusing on the future and not staying present.
Practice the skill of listening without trying to jump in and solve or fix things; simply listen to how your child is feeling.
Other great posts to check out to help you understand your type more:
Enneagram Core Motivations
Enneagram Centers of Intelligence
The 27 Subtypes (learn how your subtype changes the hue of your type)
The Enneagram and Parenting (for all nine types!)
Helpful Enneagram Parenting Books
Knowing Me, Knowing Them: Understanding Your Parenting Personality by Discovering the Enneagram
Knowing Your Parenting Personality