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Do you want help being a better parent? The enneagram can help! Here are parenting tips for Enneagram 5 parents!
If you are a parent, it will come as no surprise to you to hear that parenting is tough. When you are a parent, you look for any information that can help you out.
The enneagram is one such information source that can be a great benefit to you as a parent!
The enneagram can help you understand yourself better so that you can be a better parent.
Do You Know Your Enneagram Type?
I don’t mean that you took a fun test one day and it gave you a number. Tests as fun as they can be, are not very accurate (enneagram tests are only up to 70% accurate).
You can take a test to help you whittle your options down but then I recommend taking your top 3-5 scores and digging into the core motivations to confirm your type.
You can also check out my post on how to find your type for more info.
Once you know your enneagram type, then we can start learning how the enneagram can help you parent your children better.
Do I Need To Know My Child’s Enneagram Type?
No! You do not need to know your child’s type. In fact, I’d almost say you shouldn’t.
While kids do have their enneagram type set from a very young age (by age 3) it does not mean that you can accurate guess they type.
In fact, you can’t accurately guess ANYBODY’s type! This is because a person’s enneagram type is not determined by their actions but rather their core motivation and you can’t see core motivation.
So save the typing of your kids until they are old enough to discover their own type. Instead, let’s just focus on the one area where you can succeed… yourself!
Tips for Enneagram 5 Parents
If you are a type 5 parent, you are probably concerned with knowledge, systematic mentality, being objective, analyzing things, big-picture thinking, restraint, and independence.
These are important traits to you and you are probably trying to instill them in your children. – All good things!
Your Parenting Style as a Type 5
Each enneagram type has their own parenting style which is built around their enneagram type and core motivation.
As a type 5 parent, your parenting style likely includes having high emphasis on intellectual discussions, lots of learning (hello library trips and documentaries), showing and explaining your interests to your children, and fact checking others.
What You Might Project on Your Kids as a Type 5
Each enneagram type, comes with a wounding message. The wounding message is something we actually heard or simply perceived when we were young and we’ve never been able to escape it.
For a type 5 parent, your wounding message is “It’s not okay to be comfortable in the world”. And I’ll unpack this a bit because this is one of the more confusing wounding messages…. Another way to hear this is “It’s not ok to be overwhelmed” (you’ll be invaded by others or your own emotions) or “It’s not ok to NOT be knowledgable/capable (you don’t have what it takes if you aren’t). You’ve had this (or a form of this) rattling around in your head since childhood and it’s now a driving force for all your actions.
Because of this, it’s all too easy for your wounding message to become projected on to your kids. As you are so caught up with not being invaded or overwhelmed, it overflows to your children as you may feel like if they show too much emotion or aren’t self-sufficient, you aren’t capable or you are the one who is overwhelmed.
This is an area you will want to be extra mindful of when raising your children. Be aware of when your wounding message is taking over and try arguing back with it; reminding yourself that it IS okay if you express strong emotions or aren’t fully capable and if your CHILDREN make express strong emotions or aren’t fully self-sufficient. Expressing strong emotions do not have to make you overwhelmed or invaded.
Stress Triggers to Be Aware of as a Type 5
Parenting is stressful for any type but each type have particular things that are more likely to be stress triggers.
Being aware of these stress triggers allows you to either preemptively avoid them or to give yourself (and your children) grace when they do occur knowing that you might need a little extra self care.
Stress triggers for a type 5 include: too much noise, not being able to control a situation, emotionally charged conversations, too much socializing, not getting enough recharge time, and having your ideas and knowledge challenged (particularly by people who haven’t done their research).
Parenting Growth Work for a Type 5
As a type 5 parent, you’ll want to work on becoming less preparatory (researching forever) and allowing more gut instincts to propel actions (learn to harness your line to type 8).
You will also want to work on managing your energy levels. You are well aware that you have a limited amount of energy so make sure to save enough for your family.
Practice listening to your children without having to know all of the facts. You don’t need to analyze your child’s problems (although that can definitely be helpful for certain children) just listen to what they have to say.
You may need to grow your social skills. I’m not saying start attending parties every week, but perhaps make a conscious decision to do something social every so often… or host people on your turf.
Learn that you often over research. Nine times out of ten, you actually have more than enough knowledge to start “doing” and you can stop over-thinking and researching things.
Be more open to emotions (yours and your children’s).
Other great posts to check out to help you understand your type more:
Enneagram Core Motivations
Enneagram Centers of Intelligence
The 27 Subtypes (learn how your subtype changes the hue of your type)
The Enneagram and Parenting (for all nine types!)
Helpful Enneagram Parenting Books
Knowing Me, Knowing Them: Understanding Your Parenting Personality by Discovering the Enneagram
Knowing Your Parenting Personality
