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Do you want help being a better parent? The enneagram can help! Here are parenting tips for Enneagram 6 parents!
If you are a parent, it will come as no surprise to you to hear that parenting is tough. When you are a parent, you look for any information that can help you out.
The enneagram is one such information source that can be a great benefit to you as a parent!
The enneagram can help you understand yourself better so that you can be a better parent.
Do You Know Your Enneagram Type?
I don’t mean that you took a fun test one day and it gave you a number. Tests as fun as they can be, are not very accurate (enneagram tests are only up to 70% accurate).
You can take a test to help you whittle your options down but then I recommend taking your top 3-5 scores and digging into the core motivations to confirm your type.
You can also check out my post on how to find your type for more info.
Once you know your enneagram type, then we can start learning how the enneagram can help you parent your children better.
Do I Need To Know My Child’s Enneagram Type?
No! You do not need to know your child’s type. In fact, I’d almost say you shouldn’t.
While kids do have their enneagram type set from a very young age (by age 3) it does not mean that you can accurate guess they type.
In fact, you can’t accurately guess ANYBODY’s type! This is because a person’s enneagram type is not determined by their actions but rather their core motivation and you can’t see core motivation.
So save the typing of your kids until they are old enough to discover their own type. Instead, let’s just focus on the one area where you can succeed… yourself!
Tips for Enneagram 6 Parents
If you are a type 6 parent, you are probably concerned with trust, protection of yourself and your family, loyalty, responsibility, being prepared, and honor.
These are important traits to you and you are probably trying to instill them in your children. – All good things!
Your Parenting Style as a Type 6
Each enneagram type has their own parenting style which is built around their enneagram type and core motivation.
As a type 6 parent, your parenting style likely includes having a mama/papa bear mentality which may include being a helicopter parents but also means standing up for your kids), you might pack more than other parents “just in case”, and you likely have lots of emergency plans in case things go wrong.
Although this is stereotypical of type 6 parents, it’s also important to know that 6s have two ways they can deal with their fear (phobic and counter-phobic) so some 6 parents will lean more toward the cautious side while others might lean more toward the “this is scary so let’s conquer it” side.
What You Might Project on Your Kids as a Type 6
Each enneagram type, comes with a wounding message. The wounding message is something we actually heard or simply perceived when we were young and we’ve never been able to escape it.
For a type 6 parent, your wounding message is “It’s not okay to trust yourself”. I’ve also had many 6s also add in “or others” which makes sense as 6s are vary wary of just handing out trust. You’ve had this (or a form of this) rattling around in your head since childhood and it’s now a driving force for all your actions.
Because of this, it’s all too easy for your wounding message to become projected on to your kids. As you are so caught up with trusting yourself and relying on advice from your trusted support circle, it overflows to your children as you may feel like if they trust themselves (and risk security or support in your opinion), you risk security or support.
This is an area you will want to be extra mindful of when raising your children. Be aware of when your wounding message is taking over and try arguing back with it; reminding yourself that it IS okay if you trust yourself and if your CHILDREN trust themselves. Trusting yourself (or others) does not make you less secure or supported.
Stress Triggers to Be Aware of as a Type 6
Parenting is stressful for any type but each type have particular things that are more likely to be stress triggers.
Being aware of these stress triggers allows you to either preemptively avoid them or to give yourself (and your children) grace when they do occur knowing that you might need a little extra self care.
Stress triggers for a type 6 include: sudden change of plans, new or unknown situations (as you can’t prepare for them), having to make important or big decisions – particularly if it’s without counsel, thinking that your children aren’t respecting you, other people questioning your parenting style (which can make you not trust yourself even more), your children being bullied, and being too busy.
Parenting Growth Work for a Type 6
As a type 6 parent, you’ll want to work on becoming less self-doubting and trusting your own thoughts and instincts (learn to harness your line to type 3).
You will also want to work on loosening up and having more fun. All that needing to be prepared might limit how much fun you and your family have.
Recognize that you can trust your kids. Yes, they are younger than you and they might lack knowledge but they are often much more capable than you allow them to be.
Remember that you are an authority to your kids so you can stand firm when they challenge you.
Work on balancing your fears with reality. A good way to do this is to keep a journal of all your fears and then later on cross out all the ones that never actually happened.
Find ways to manage your anxiety levels. It’s hard I know but even just making use of some methods, scents, practices will help even if it’s just a little bit.
Trust your own decisions. Ironically 6s might actually could be some of the better decision making parents since they think through hundreds of possibilities (and likely research like crazy) and yet 6s do not often trust their own decisions. Remember that your trusted advice circle is definitely valuable but so are you!
Other great posts to check out to help you understand your type more:
Enneagram Core Motivations
Enneagram Centers of Intelligence
The 27 Subtypes (learn how your subtype changes the hue of your type)
The Enneagram and Parenting (for all nine types!)
Helpful Enneagram Parenting Books
Knowing Me, Knowing Them: Understanding Your Parenting Personality by Discovering the Enneagram
Knowing Your Parenting Personality