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Do you want help being a better parent? The enneagram can help! Here are parenting tips for Enneagram 7 parents!
If you are a parent, it will come as no surprise to you to hear that parenting is tough. When you are a parent, you look for any information that can help you out.
The enneagram is one such information source that can be a great benefit to you as a parent!
The enneagram can help you understand yourself better so that you can be a better parent.
Do You Know Your Enneagram Type?
I don’t mean that you took a fun test one day and it gave you a number. Tests as fun as they can be, are not very accurate (enneagram tests are only up to 70% accurate).
You can take a test to help you whittle your options down but then I recommend taking your top 3-5 scores and digging into the core motivations to confirm your type.
You can also check out my post on how to find your type for more info.
Once you know your enneagram type, then we can start learning how the enneagram can help you parent your children better.
Do I Need To Know My Child’s Enneagram Type?
No! You do not need to know your child’s type. In fact, I’d almost say you shouldn’t.
While kids do have their enneagram type set from a very young age (by age 3) it does not mean that you can accurate guess they type.
In fact, you can’t accurately guess ANYBODY’s type! This is because a person’s enneagram type is not determined by their actions but rather their core motivation and you can’t see core motivation.
So save the typing of your kids until they are old enough to discover their own type. Instead, let’s just focus on the one area where you can succeed… yourself!
Tips for Enneagram 7 Parents
If you are a type 7 parent, you are probably concerned with keeping an optimistic outlook, confidence, enthusiasm, positive thinking, being spontaneous, productiveness, and staying open minded.
These are important traits to you and you are probably trying to instill them in your children. – All good things!
Your Parenting Style as a Type 7
Each enneagram type has their own parenting style which is built around their enneagram type and core motivation.
As a type 7 parent, your parenting style likely includes going on adventures (hello hiking, camping, exploring!) You probably make sure try new things such as foods and experiences (no mundane meals even at home). You also tend to always look on the bright side.
What You Might Project on Your Kids as a Type 7
Each enneagram type, comes with a wounding message. The wounding message is something we actually heard or simply perceived when we were young and we’ve never been able to escape it.
For a type 7 parent, your wounding message is “It’s not okay to depend on anyone for anything”. And along with this wounding message comes “It’s not ok to dwell on negatives.” You’ve had this (or a form of this) rattling around in your head since childhood and it’s now a driving force for all your actions.
Because of this, it’s all too easy for your wounding message to become projected on to your kids. As you are so caught up with not dwelling on negatives and looking out for yourself, it overflows to your children as you may feel like if they dwell on negatives, you will be dwelling on negatives.
This is an area you will want to be extra mindful of when raising your children. Be aware of when your wounding message is taking over and try arguing back with it; reminding yourself that it IS okay if you dwell on negatives (you don’t have to stay there though!) and if your CHILDREN dwell on negatives. Negatives (the more sad feelings) do not make you deprived or trapped in emotional pain (because you do not have to live there; process and move on to freedom).
Stress Triggers to Be Aware of as a Type 7
Parenting is stressful for any type but each type have particular things that are more likely to be stress triggers.
Being aware of these stress triggers allows you to either preemptively avoid them or to give yourself (and your children) grace when they do occur knowing that you might need a little extra self care.
Stress triggers for a type 7 include: feeling like others are having more adventures than you are (particularly an issue when you are in the baby/toddler stages), having to stick to mundane routines, not getting out of the house often enough, your children being negative or sad, not being taken seriously, and wasted opportunities.
Parenting Growth Work for a Type 7
As a type 7 parent, you’ll want to work on not reframing all the sad or hard things and being more logical and analytical by allowing yourself and your kids to explore all the feelings (learn to harness your line to type 5).
You will want to work on getting your family’s opinions on social engagements and activities. You might feel like you should say yes to all the events but remember your family might not function the same way as you.
Recognize that new experiences are exciting for you but could actually be terrifying for your child. There are definitely times to push your child out of their comfort zone but there’s also times when you need to cater to their security needs.
Try being more open to painful feelings (both yours and your children’s). Remember, you do not need to STAY in those painful feelings; but you shouldn’t ignore or suppress them.
Also, work on becoming a self-disciplined authority figure for your children. You can’t be the “fun parent” all the time. Children need boundaries and rules to properly grow into healthy adults.
Other great posts to check out to help you understand your type more:
Enneagram Core Motivations
Enneagram Centers of Intelligence
The 27 Subtypes (learn how your subtype changes the hue of your type)
The Enneagram and Parenting (for all nine types!)
Helpful Enneagram Parenting Books
Knowing Me, Knowing Them: Understanding Your Parenting Personality by Discovering the Enneagram
Knowing Your Parenting Personality